Cream of the Underdeveloped Night Terrence

Posted in Uncategorized on May 10, 2011 by liquidsnake582

So I suppose I should ask myself; what exactly was the goal of this blog? Actually, I don’t care, and most people don’t either. But if you must know, the goal of the blog was to inform people of music; good bands and goings on, such as attempts to censor music.

Pic Unrelated, but you'll never find anything as cool as Hitler and Abe Lincoln fighting.

Just kidding, the real point was to not get 0/10’s. In the end, I’ll admit writing this blog was probably better than any alternatives, but reflecting on the actual blogging aspect of the blog isn’t really the point of this entry, is it?

This title is going to be really long and unrelated to anything in the actual post, but at this point you’re probably still reading it. Even now, after I pointed out that you shouldn’t be reading it, you probably still are. I’m ashamed of you.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 2, 2011 by liquidsnake582

OH NO SATAN

 
But I’m not done yet. It’s not just angry soccer moms on their 
periods - that’s right, those crazy Christians have been trying 
to censor music since Elvis shook his hips too much. Because 
what’s more Satan than a twenty minute jazz improvisation?

http://www.godhatesgoths.com/gothmusic2.html

Here’s a list of a bunch of bands deemed offensive. Before I point
out what specifically is stupid about it, allow me to present two 
very important rules of music:

1) If a musician is promoting violence or Satanism, he’s joking. 
If he isn’t joking, he’s not forcing you to convert to Satanism, 
either don’t listen to the music or just ignore the lyrics. 
If he is forcing you to convert to Satanism, then you might want 
to make sure your cocaine isn’t heroin. 

2) If you find something offensive, go away. Other people might 
enjoy it in some way.

Now then, on to the stupidity. First of all, Queen is on this list. 
Queen is one of the only bands in history where all of the members 
hold a college degree. Real Satanists right there. The only real 
reason listed is because Freddie Mercury was gay. 
“Fat Bottom Girls” is definitely the kind of thing you don’t want 
your teenagers listening to.

THEY'VE USED SATANIC MAGIC TO BECOME THE ONE BEING OH NO

Rammstein also makes the list. Why? Because they speak German. And then 
there’s Tori Amos, a pop singer. The website also claim that Jimi 
Hendrix could hypnotize people through music. And it also says that 
Kiss stands for knights in Satan’s service. Funfact: no it doesn’t.

There’s also this, which is a good way to discover new bands:

Yes, that is Jesus being crucified to a pentagram. No, Satan is not stealing your soul as you read this.


Tipper is a really horrible name, too.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 2, 2011 by liquidsnake582

 
Oh, censorship. While it isn’t the hottest topic, politically, it 
always pops up every now and again. Old people don’t want their 
kids exposed to anything that isn’t found in Blue’s Clues, so they 
follow the logical process of banning everything else for everyone. 
Young people respond by saying up yours, naturally. 

In 1985, the Parent Music Resource Center (PMRC) committee was 
formed by Tipper Gore, Al Gore’s wife, in an obvious attempt to 
garner support for that hypocrite. The purpose of the committee 
was to “remove the surprise” that came with listening to music 
and discovering that the lyrics were sexual, offensive, violent, 
etc. in nature. Because Tipper Gore leads an incredibly sheltered 
life, she concluded, after watching several rock music videos, 
"The images frightened my children, they frightened me! I am 
frightened! Way frightened! The graphic sex and the violence were 
too much for us to handle."

The PMRC called for a music rating system similar to that of film 
ratings. While this in itself is already a small degree of stupid, 
Tipper Gore decided to push for more censorship. In her world, 
record stores would be forced to place albums with artwork she 
deemed inappropriate under the counter, just so she can make 
everyone feel uncomfortable when they try to buy them. She asked 
television broadcasters not to broadcast certain music videos and 
for record companies to reassess contracts of musicians who 
performed violently or sexually on stage, because absolutely no 
one can entertain in that way in America. Worst of all, Tipper 
Gore insisted that rock music and magazines should no longer be 
sold in stores like Macy’s or Sears.

The PMRC released a list of 15 songs they deemed the most 
offensive, two of which were listed for being occult, which, 
thanks to separation of church and state, is not a political 
issue anyway. The PMRC also accused Iron Maiden, Styx, Rush, 
Queen, Van Halen, Kiss and Pink Floyd of Satanism. Yes, even 
Queen.

A senate hearing was held over whether or not the PMRC could 
actually do anything. Dee Snider of Twisted Sister, John Denver 
and Frank Zappa all showed up as the defense. Frank Zappa had 
stated, "the PMRC proposal is an ill-conceived piece of nonsense 
which fails to deliver any real benefits to children, infringes 
the civil liberties of people who are not children, and promises 
to keep the courts busy for years dealing with the interpretation 
and enforcement problems inherent in the proposal's design” because 
he’s a genius. Al Gore, who I harbor a nearly unrivaled hatred for, 
earned a degree of my respect at this hearing for pointing out that 
he likes Zappa’s music.

Zappa’s full defense position can be found here:

but unless you’re willing to sit through a long video I wouldn’t 
bother with it.

Before the hearing itself began, the RIAA did agree to put 
generic “Parental Advisory” labels on certain albums. Because 
she holds such a grudge, Tipper Gore decided to put one label on 
a Frank Zappa album, Jazz From Hell. This becomes rather 
interesting when you realize Jazz From Hell has no lyrics on it. 
It makes me wonder what Tipper’s going to do to Al now that he’s 
cheated on her.

 
You might remember this picture of a cake, which I posted 
once before. Well here it is again. There's no reason for it 
to be here, but it is.

CHAK CHAK CHAK CHAKA CHAKA CHAKA CHAKA

Posted in Uncategorized on April 11, 2011 by liquidsnake582

Mike Patton is also a pretty awesome guy. He’s proven that he can handle every type of vocal style that exists, including death growls, rapping, mindless screaming and operatic 60’s Italian Pop music vocals. No seriously. Mike Patton has worked with a ton of bands and was a major influence on the band Incubus and a bunch of really horrible bands that aren’t worth mentioning (this in no way damages his coolness).

Mike Patton’s first band was the incredibly experimental band Mr. Bungle. Mr. Bungle is completely indescribable; the below song changes from Latin-sounding music to religious chanting to… what ever exactly you’d like to call what follows.

After that, Patton joined his most successful group (well, it’s not *his* group per se), Faith No More.

Then, after that, this train wreck of unlistenable experimentation happened:

If you aren’t confused and frightened after that, you’re either Danny Trejo, Frank Zappa, Jesus, Alan Moore, Syd Barrett or Superman.

The modern Frank Zappa, I suppose. Just not as good.

Posted in Uncategorized on April 11, 2011 by liquidsnake582

A band can pretty much ensure that I’ll love them by making me laugh. They’ll have to be funny on purpose, though; ICP is still bad no matter how you look at it. Frank Zappa’s wit and Devin Townsend’s goofy sense of humor are both hysterical, and everyone knows they’re two of my favorite musicians of all time.

And so we have another of the funniest bands ever. King Missile is a 90’s band that is completely beyond classification. Instead of talking about why they’re awesome, I’ll just post their most well known song. Because if you need this band’s awesomeness explained, you should probably buy some cyanide.

If you found that video offensive or inappropriate, then happy 107th birthday.

But  John Hall doesn’t just sin- talk about body parts he lost. He also talks about HIS BRILLIANT IDEA OF DRIVING A CHEESECAKE TRUCK.

Michigan rappers show that smart people can actually become famous nowadays.

Posted in Uncategorized on March 28, 2011 by liquidsnake582

Whenever someone finds something funny on the internet, it only takes a few days of circulation on youtube and 4chan before it becomes a well known meme. Just last year, a pair of geniuses from the midwest (that may be a paradox. I think you can see where this is going) put out a music video for one of their songs. The music video when viral the second it was released because the two geniuses put so much deep thought into their lyrics that it actually made 68% of the listeners convert from their religion to one supported by the musicians.

Just kidding. They’re idiots. The song “Miracles” was released by the Insane Clown Posse, who, in case you can’t tell by the name, are two of the biggest idiots in America. Arguably, the only people stupider than the musicians themselves are their fans who buy in to the complete and utter garbage they release. “Miracles” shows off the intelligence of the act, who claim that things experienced in everyday life are miracles. At first, this may not seem so stupid. Then, they begin to explain that giraffes’ necks, hot lava, everything chillin’ under water, 85,000 people in the same room and UFOs are miracles.
This is complimented by random lines in the song that have nothing to do with anything, such as the story where one of the rappers feeds a pelican a fish before it proceeds to eat his cell phone. What does that have to do with miracles?

The song has spewed forth plenty of lines that everyone loves to repeat, namely “You can’t even hold music”, “Magic everywhere in this bitch” and “Magnets, how do they work?”

This has led to millions of billions of pictures making fun of the video, most of which I probably can’t post. So instead, here’s some that I can:

Nevermind they don’t fit. Stop being lazy and look them up yourselves.

 

DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN? DO YOU?

Posted in Uncategorized on March 28, 2011 by liquidsnake582

“Some people like cupcakes better. I, for one, care less for them” – Frank Zappa

Now, I feel kind of bad writing this one: it’s my first entry on Frank Zappa and it isn’t completely dedicated to how awesome he is and why he’s better than you and everyone you know. In 1975, Zappa released Bongo Fury, a mostly live album featuring Captain Beefheart, someone who is also better than you and everyone else in history. Now with out further delay, here is one of the greatest songs off of said album, because it is absolutely necessary that everyone hear it:

Allow me to point out the four things that make this the best song ever:

1) There is a 50’s silent movie-style piano being played in the intro.

2) The song is about THE MUFFIN MAN. And yet it still features words like “Anointment”

3) There is an incredibly badass guitar solo that doesn’t even need to be there.

4) In addition to Zappa himself, Muffin Man features Captain Beefheart playing the awesome instruments of tenor sax, harmonica, backing vocals and MADNESS. In addition, Terry Bozzio plays drums, and Terry Bozzio is one of the greatest drummers to ever exist.

Seriously, what more could you possibly want from a song? The only way this could be seen as a disappointment is the lack of Zappa’s typically satirical and witty lyrics. However, one could argue that this song satirizes the idea that a song must feature deep or romantic lyrics.

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